Overthinking

Overthinking is a pain in the ass. It is EXHAUSTING. It's like every time the vibes seem off to me, my mind starts going a million miles per second. If someone is quieter than usual, I will sometimes come to the conclusion that I'm the problem, even if deep down I know that's not the case.

I was always the type to overthink in every situation. Whether it was in relationships, with my family and friends, or even in school with my grades or the work I was doing. I was always overthinking if I was good enough. For the longest time, I never felt like I was worth anything. I always felt as if I was easily replaceable and that no one would miss me if I just disappeared. I just couldn't comprehend that I could be important to someone. I thought that everyone was only pretending to care about me or pretending to like me because they felt bad for me.

I feel like it all stemmed from childhood when I learned that I was adopted. I felt like I was unwanted for a very long time. Sometimes I still feel that way about it, but I remember that it was for the best. I wouldn't be where I am today without the family I have now and I'm incredibly grateful for that. But with that being said, I sometimes felt like I didn't belong in my family. My mom and I never really got along, which is both of our faults. I just never felt like I was liked or really cared for, but I know a lot of that was just my mind playing with me.

I'm still working on trying not to overthink as much, but it's definitely not easy. I struggle a lot and I always let my thoughts get the best of me, but I'm putting in the effort to take control of it so it doesn't drain me so much and make me and the people I love feel bad.

I know that I'll be better soon. <3

-Ash